I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
