i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
