i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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