she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
