We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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