dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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