So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
