why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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