Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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