there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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