No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
