looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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