There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
