I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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