so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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