I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
