You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
