i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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