Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
