Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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