Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
