I skipped work to stalk him.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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