just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
