So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
