Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
