There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize