Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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