whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
