Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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