4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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