I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
