I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
