last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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