Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
