just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
