he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
