dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
