I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
