She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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