Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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