the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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