Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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