Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
