you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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