Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I deserve this hangover.
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