Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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