I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
