Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
