my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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