I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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