You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
