I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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