I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
