I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
