first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
