you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
