That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
