Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize