im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize