I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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