My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
