We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
