god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
be right there i have to get my cape
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
