sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
