So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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