Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
