My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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