Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
