I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
