her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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