You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
