it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
