I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
