So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
