Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
