Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
