I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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