im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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