I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
