I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
