So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
