Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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